Ode To Dexter In B, For Blood.

   For those of you who are not familiar with the show Dexter, you should probably give up on life right now. Ok, that was pretty harsh, I am sorry. But you just make me so angry sometimes, clueless and fictional person I am taking my aggression out on. In an effort to catch you up with how awesome and effortlessly badass Dexter is, I'll give you a little recap so that you aren't completely fuck-all when the new season premieres on September 26th. Also, there may or may not be SPOILERS littered throughout this rant, so, just sayin'.


This is Dexter. He's not like other kids.

   The show began showing on Showtime way back in October 2006, and is set in (of all places) Miami, Florida. Dexter Morgan (played wonderfully by Michael C. Hall) has a pretty good job at the Miami Metro Police Department, analyzing blood splatter at crime scenes and the like. But he also has an undeniably awesome and dark secret: He serially kills serial killers. A conundrum, I know, but trust me when I say that the guys he murders totally fucking have it coming to them. They are the unusual run of the mill, generally being a mixture of the following: sociopath/murderer/drug dealer/child-toucher/renegade cop/extreme asshole, what have you. I guess the first season was taken loosely from a book by Jeff Lindsay entitled Darkly Dreaming Dexter. I haven't read it, but I am pretty sure it wouldn't be as good as watching Hall be Dexter.

   Dexter Morgan takes on this role of serial killer-killer mainly due to his fucked up childhood. Remember how Bruce Wayne became Batman? Ok, now imagine that it was only his mother who was murdered, and instead of an alley it was in a shipping container full of that mothers blood ... With Dexter covered up to his tits in said blood. Got it? Cool. Now lets move away from the weird shit, and get to his adoptive Father/Miami Detective/killer Harry.


Like murderous father, like murderous son.

   Harry was a Detective on the beat for Miami Metro when he came across that Tarantino-esque crime scene. He found Dexter there, covered in blood and probably his own feces from seeing his mother brutally murdered (by a serial killer, coincidentally enough), and thought it'd be a good idea to take him under his wing. You know, show him how to be a complete and utter badass. Anyways, Harry made up a code, known as "The Code Of Harry." It is more or less an outline of how to murder asshole killers, the conduct therein, and how not to get caught. Because, you know, Harry was a fucking cop, so he knew his shit.

   And, for the most part, Dexter is pretty suave when it comes to convincing the people in his life that he's just a goofy and genial, albeit absent minded, guy. His sister Deb, who works as a Detective for Miami Metro, is even under this impression. I mean, you'd think a bang-up cop would figure out, sooner or later, that her brother is a bloodthirsty anti-hero of sorts. But then i suppose the show would have only lasted at most, two seasons. And there's no fun in that. I gotta see Dexter take down these ruthless fuckers, before they kill/sell drugs/touch children again!


She has no idea he ruthlessly slaughtered four pedophiles, just on his way to the office. Detective Work!!!

   What makes this show so freakin' great isn't just the awesome triumph over evil Dexter pulls off every season, it's the burden he eventually carries. Between his sister Deb, friends and coworkers at the Metro office, and his wife and child, Dexter begins to question things.


Though, now that I think about it, that is totally a "burden" I'd carry.

   The stakes get increased every time he makes any type of meaningful connection with another person. Hell, at one point Dexter gets this one British artists' (Lila Tournay, portrayed by Jaime Murray) panties in such a hot, messy twist, that she goes completely bat-shit insane and almost blows his cover. His sister Deb is then thrown into danger, along with the realization that he himself is unintentionally using his ridiculously hot wife and kids as human shields, to control his cover-life. So aside from all of the danger, blood, and epic speeches Dexter gives to his serial killer prey before he kills the fuck out of them, the show has some gravitas when it comes to a coherent and thrilling storyline. I can't wait to see what happens next. Hopefully something just as badass as this: