An Open Letter To Glenn Beck. By Dan Gathers.

   There are plenty of crazy people in the world today. Kim Jong Il, Nancy Grace, and Oprah Winfrey are a few examples of such devestating madness that the world deals with every day. But then there are special people with a special kind of crazy. This is where you come in, Glenn Beck. Yeah, that's right, I'm talking to you. I have seen, in my time, a copious amount of the insanity that passes for news. But Beck, I must hand it to you, because you are just a big 'ol steaming pile of something else.

Yup. A giant, flaming, steaming pile.    Now granted, I haven't put myself through the torture of reading <b>any<i> </i></b>of your books, or for that matter, any reviews of them. But I have sat myself down, strapped in, and witnessed the carnival ride that is your show on a few occasions. See, it is this thing that I do every now and then: I put myself in the position of people who would otherwise eat all of the shit you're handing out. I do this because there are moments where a true version of yourself pops out, as if to gasp fresh air due to it being held down by the other monstrous personality that possesses you. And I find this version of you refreshing, to say the least.


Although, I'm not really sure which is which.

   One of these personalities of yours, Mr. Beck, paints himself up to be some type of national hero, and a patriot. You come on your little show and spout historical fact to paint the public-at-large a picture they otherwise wouldn't be able to see. Information is your weapon, and you wield it like a Viking warrior, slicing and dicing those who oppose you into quivering Nazi-giblets. Oh yeah, I almost forgot about the whole Nazi thing. You must love the Nazis, in one form or another. Everything you draw up on that chalkboard of yours, somehow, always relates to Nazis. Or, if you have recently overplayed the Nazi card, you tend to enjoy anything Anti-Christ.


"Obama-care is just another way of saying Nazi-commie-socialist-anti-christ!"

   But then underneath all of the fake crying, concern about the general public, and screaming about supposed historical proof to your theorems, is the real you. And after careful consideration and study, I've come to the conclusion that they are both, in fact, one. You come onto your show and let loose all of the insanity you have trapped within that big, fat head of yours, and dress it up as fact. FACT. You then proceed to slip out little phrases pertaining to how no one should listen to what you have to say because you are nothing but a clown. A clown who paints his face and dances dramatically for money. So, if anything, you're a clown prostitute. Now here's my historically proven fact to back this claim up:


Pictured: Fact.